As I sit here after 33 dates, there a only a few that really stand out….obviously the crazy ones, but there were only a few that really had an impact on me: number 17–my first kiss in over 3 years (and the reason I started this blog), number 21–my first long-term relationship (and subsequent heartache), number 29–my chemistry-overloaded pair of dates and number 33…and here’s why….
I favorited number 33 and he saw it and contacted me..we went back and forth a bit online, but just before I was going to contact him, I kind of pulled back and decided to take a few days break…this happens a lot! Online dating can be really difficult emotionally and sometimes you just need to pull back and take a breather. He sent me a few texts asking me to reconsider, but I just told him I needed a break…and I took one for a few days. Early the next month, I was back online and he saw it and contacted me. Even though I still really wasn’t in a good dating frame of mind, I felt bad that I had blown him off the first time so I agreed to a coffee date.
Now I knew I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind for this date–I had been dating a lot with no real results and I finally realized I was just going through the motions–my heart was still not yet whole, regardless of how much I was trying to pretend it was. Still, I mistakenly thought that more dating was the answer to getting over my heartbreak–so I went out on date after date, while never making a real connection. Number 33 was the date that finally woke me up and made me smell the coffee–and it was at a coffee shop, no less!
This date started a bit weird–I was in the coffee place and I got a text from him asking me if I was wearing a blue dress with a sexy walk…I looked around the place and I couldn’t see him…looked outside and didn’t see him..finally responded to the text with a “where are you” and he didn’t answer right away. I admit I was completely creeped out by now–feeling like you are being watched is very uncomfortable and not being able to find him made it worse. A few minutes later, he comes through the door (with a full beard–unlike his completely clean-shaven picture) and says he had arrived early, was sitting in his car in the lot and saw me walk by but wasn’t sure it was me, hence the text. I didn’t make a big deal of it, but honestly, it was kind of creepy and it started the date off on the wrong foot–at least as far as I was concerned.
Once we met, he was very nice and friendly–the conversation flowed easily and comfortably–but I could see he was into me and I just wasn’t feeling it. This is once of the first times it really bothered me, though, because I pretty much knew I wasn’t feeling it even before I met him due to my state of mind. As he walked me to my car at the end of the date, he asked me “So where do you want to go next time?” to which I just said I would be in touch and let him know. But I knew I had no intention of going out with him again and I truly felt bad.
In retrospect, I had no right going out with him or anyone else for that matter-my heart was closed and I was just wasting his time (and mine). I feared I was becoming what is referred to as a serial dater–someone just dating for the hell of it with no intention of settling down (although they say they are). I had to finally face what most of my friends were telling me–while my heart is still so raw, I have no business dating and I just need to take a break.
Three days after this date, I took my profile down from the dating sites I was on-I still want to find the love of my life, but it makes no sense to look right now because I’m not ready for him yet. Damn.
Lessons learned:
1. Don’t be a creeper–texting me like he did made me uncomfortable! Make sure you are there before you text something like that.
2. Take the time you need and heal before you start dating after a heartbreak. I could have met someone who would be great for me during this period and not have even known it because I was closed off emotionally.
3. Guess it’s time for a break….