After I broke the ice with number 22, number 23 was a guy that I contacted on a whim and he actually wrote me back! He was nice looking (a bit bald, but I have no issue with that when you are in your 50’s) and we seemed to have a lot in common (and he was a retired fireman–sorry, but firemen really do it for me and I loved this about him!) After our initial note, he forwarded his number and I called him that evening and we ended up speaking for almost 1.5 hours!
Now, I do like to talk, but that was a long first phone call–even by my standards! We just had multiple things in common, including the way we looked at things in life, and the conversation just flowed. He told me how he had been on about 4 dates through this website: 3 of them looked nothing like their pictures (which, I assured him, I did) and he dated the remaining (very good looking) one for a few weeks–even though she talked about getting married after 1 week and wanted to move into his house after the second–who does that?? I figured I would be refreshingly normal after those dates! When we were done, he even texted me and asked me if I realized how long we had just spoken–it was so comfortable, the time just flew by! We made arrangements to meet the next night at a nearby coffeehouse and I was excited to meet him cause this one had real potential (and that alone should have scared me….)
Since this was a Saturday night, I thought a coffeehouse was a great place to meet since it would be relatively quiet place and it would be easy to talk–not this time! When I got to the coffeehouse, it was packed and a live music set was just finishing up–we struggled to find an empty table and finally found one that was (unfortunately) very close to the band. Since the band was going on break, it did give us about 30 minutes to speak and it seemed to be going ok–then the band started again…luckily, the band was good and it was enjoyable to listen to, but maybe not the best choice on a first date since conversation was so limited. We tried to speak through the band, but it was almost like shouting so we gave up.
As the band was finishing up that set, he said he needed to get home so he could call his dad (who was in the hospital) to say goodnight–now it was about 9:30 pm on a Saturday–so it struck me a little weird why he didn’t just call from there but…..I really try not to read too much into things and just let it go. He walked me to my car, gave me an awkward peck on the cheek and told me he would call me. After all the time we spent leading up to that date, it seemed so rushed and forced. I drove away from this one very confused…
When I got home, I texted him thanks and asked why the date seemed to end so abruptly–he said he had a nice time, he liked me but he wasn’t attracted to me–ouch! Now, my pictures were very new and I look very much like them so I really don’t know what he could have been expecting–this one hurt! As part of our initial phone conversation, we talked about looking for substance rather than pure beauty (when he told me about the woman trying to move in after 2 weeks) and since he already knew what I looked like (not tall, not blond etc), and we had so many things in common (both in our lives as well as our outlook), I was at least expecting a second date here..
In reality, I’ve had quite a few dates like this…major buildup (either through texting or phone calls) and then the date falls flat once we meet…This one did surprise me, though, because we really did seem to have a lot of core values and interests in common–not just playful banter like it was with some of my dates. A friend of mine did tell me that (in her experience) firemen tend to have strong egos and high expectations–perhaps I just wasn’t what he was looking for…next!
Lesson learned:
1. I’ve said this before: high expectations and extended contact before a date doesn’t really mean ANYTHING, so keep your expectations in check.
2. Before you go out for coffee on a weeknight, make sure the place you are going doesn’t have live music (which doesn’t make for good conversation)
3. I still think firemen are awesome–just not sure I will be dating one….