Here I am at number 24….sometimes this really feels like it could go on forever…I think we were a mutual like and I can’t even remember who contacted who first (but I think he contacted me). We went back and forth for a few e-mails and then we decided to move to the phone..we had a really good conversation–very comfortable, very pleasant–once again, I let my hopes get up there before I even met the man but, hey, it happens!
We wanted to meet, but I was heading out for a 2 week vacation with my family so we decided to keep in touch over my trip and meet when I got back. We ended up texting back and forth multiple times over the two weeks–I would update him on my travels and he would update me on his activities. It wasn’t extensive, but it was nice to be in contact with someone who seemed to care about my trip/activities. It felt very natural and comfortable.
By the end of my trip, we made plans to meet for brunch the weekend that I got back. We spoke again upon my return home and it was going great until he told me about a certain personal issue he had that was something I was very uncomfortable with…but by this time it was really too late to cancel the date and I figured I would go and give it a chance anyway…it ended up being less of an issue than some other things!
We met at a local restaurant for brunch–it was casual and low key and quiet enough that we had a chance to really talk. Our conversation was very comfortable and the date seemed to be going well…I was not, however, physically attracted to him at all but…I tried to keep an open mind because we meshed very comfortably in other ways (note: he had just one picture on his profile and it was blurry, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect in person). We finished brunch (after spending nearly 2 hours at the restaurant) and decided to go on to a local racetrack for the afternoon races.
Here is where I did make a mistake–since parking at the track is rather pricey, I agreed to leave my car behind and drive the short drive with him in his car so we were only paying parking for one. This was only the second time I actually went in someone’s car on the first date (and, ironically, Mr IM was the only other time I did that and look how that one ended up!) Upon reflection, that wasn’t a good idea–you should probably wait to get in someone’s car until you know them a bit better–this dating process is a learning experience for me too!
Walking to the car, he started to talk about his former girlfriend. He had actually broken up more recently than I had and had been with her years longer than I had been with Mr IM and he was obviously not over her yet. At one point he told me that she is the love of his life–not was, not I thought she was, just is–no past tense there! It is a very strange feeling to be on a date and hear that the man you are trying to get to know is telling you his past girlfriend is the love of his life–anyone who feels like that has no business dating because they are obviously not open to a new relationship if they are still thinking of their past relationship in present-day terms! I almost told him that I had not met the love of my life yet, for if I had–I would be with him and not dating!
We get to the track and had a good time (so I thought). He was placing decent sized bets while I was placing ‘baby’ bets–well, I was winning nearly every race and he was not! I could see he was getting a bit frustrated but he held it together. All in all, I though we had a pretty pleasant afternoon and finally at 4 pm he told me he’d have to leave at 5 pm to get ready for a work phone call at 6pm. I had no problems there–we had already been together since 11 am so by 5pm it would be a 6-hour first date–my longest ever!
We headed back to my car and he keeps me for another 45 minutes in the parking lot talking about his ex-girlfriend–for a total date time of nearly 7 hours! I had already decided that we really didn’t have a future given his feelings for his ex, (regardless of how many times he told me it was over) but I had an generally nice time.
The next morning I get an e-mail from him telling me that while he had a nice time with me, he decided to pursue another relationship–which in my mind was his prior one given how he spoke of her to me. I answered by saying that while I also enjoyed his company, I had not been attracted to him in a romantic way but I would like to be friends if he was agreeable. Imagine my surprise when he answered that while he would normally like that, at the moment his dance card was full! That was a first: rejected as a date and a friend–after the man kept me on a first date for 7 hours!! The more I date, the less I understand this crazy process!
Lessons learned:
1. Manage your expectations: no matter how good your communications are before you see each other–the actual date will make or break your future potential!
2. Don’t go in a car with a man you just met–this is an easy rule to disregard for many reasons, but it really is the smart way to act with a stranger!
3. Please please please: keep the talk about your ex to a minimum! Your date really doesn’t want to hear how much you love someone else! It tends to be a mood killer!